There are many things that I love about my job. Patients say whenever a change happens at the clinic, “I just hope you won’t leave. Because the person at the front desk is the face of the practice. I listen to them when they need someone. I make sure that all of their questions are answered, I give them advice on how to hurt less when I can. I remember when my therapist’s office got a new person at the front desk. I noticed, and I asked where Kristen was. It was comforting to always have my reminder calls come from he same person, and talk to her as I was on my way out of each appointment. Not that it completely ruined therapy for me to see a different face at the front desk, it just made me sad in a strange way.
This post will ultimately be me attempting to justify to myself why I am leaving my job. There’s no reason for me to have to justify it to anyone, but I feel guilty leaving. I feel guilty leaving the doctor and the new staff to figure things out for themselves, when I’m the only one who knows certain things about certain things. If I were making a completely selfish decision, I would stay, if only to soothe my own potential guilt. I love the people I work with. I love the clinic, I love the patients, and I was very invested in the vision that these people have. However, I have to think about more than myself now. We have a family of our own, and we have figured out a lifestyle that works for us, for now. There is no one on this earth who should fault me for making a decision for the betterment of myself and those I love.
A significant pay raise and new experience will do a lot of good for my resume, and that’s something that is important to me right now, because I don’t know what the future may hold. I want my husband to be able to go to school wherever he chooses, and if that means me working full time, that is a sacrifice I am willing to make. There are too many parts of myself I am willing to give up, yes. But right now I am making changes to give them up for the right things: for my husband and my family, and the financial security and opportunity for both of us. I very much enjoyed giving myself up for the clinic and committing fully to the vision, but that is not what my future has in store for me.
I feel like I am selling out. Like this is sacrificing the good cause for the financially beneficial one. It isn’t only about money. It’s also about needing time for myself. I have the most to give mentally to my job in the morning. I do my best work, am on point, I am sharp. Once about 3:00pm hits, my function is all downhill. So for an employer to need me from 7:45am until 6:00pm isn’t the worst thing, but I would function far better in an environment where I can work from 6:00am to 4:30pm. That leaves me the hours between 4:30pm and 10:00-10:30pm to spend on myself and my family. That is the time that I need. The problem right now isn’t lack of time, it’s the distribution of that time. My current job, as much as I am sure they might like to, cannot give me hours like that. They need me when they need me, and I need something different.
I will make clear that it is not personal, and that as much as I would like to remain a part of what they are doing, I have to make this decision. I have voiced my concerns as far as hours and salary go, and my last paycheck was the same and I haven’t heard a word from my boss about pay. While I know that my initiative is important in all of this, I shouldn’t have to pester for someone to follow through on something that they told me they would let me know about within a reasonable time frame. I understand the uncertainty, and not wanting to commit to me unless I am willing to commit to them. It isn’t fair or ethical for them to hold off on paying me more until they know I will be here long term. They need to pay me for the work that I do, the time that I spend, and the responsibility that I bear. If I am your office manager, pay me like your office manager.
In conclusion: I want to stay. I wish it was a place that would work out for me. But if I have a better opportunity that presents itself, I hope that they won’t hold it against me personally for taking it.